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[title] => Ivica Ivanišević: Kako je Penava potražio ljubavnu sreću putem ženidbenih oglasa, što se dogodilo, je li mu uspjelo?
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Politički gledano, Ivan Penava sliči ostarjelom momku iz ženidbenog oglasa. Dospio je do srednjih godina, ali se ne bi smio požaliti. Na djedovini je dozidao dva kata, jednoga za sebe i suprugu, a drugoga za djecu. Ima lagan, odlično plaćen posao koji, doduše, jest mandatni, ali ima on, hvala bogu, i poneku vezu, pa se ne mora plašiti za svoju budućnost.
Stan, ustvari dva, kompletno je opremio. Na svakoj etaži sve ima: obje perilice, plinski štednjak, veliki frižider, k tome i škrinju, jedan golemi i jedan samo malo manji televizor, fritezu, blender, sokovnik, mikrovalnu pećnicu, štapni mikser, beštek za osam osoba, čaše od kristala iz Rogaške slatine, kuhinju sa svim elementima i otokom u sredini prostorije, zidne ormare puno krevetnine, ganc novi namještaj...
Konačno – ili prije svega – pred kućom mu stoji parkiran crni SUV prostran kao garsonijera. Sve, dakle, ima, ali sve mu je zaludu, jer mu fali ključna pretpostavka lijepog obiteljskog života. Naime, obitelj, a prije svega nevjesta.
Kad stigne runda
Kad ga tko upita zašto se dosad nije oženio, on odgovara kao i svi samci ovoga svijeta. Da nije stigao, jer je puno radio. Što je, barem u njegovom slučaju, gola laž, jer svaki njegov mještanin zna da on nije bogzna kako vrijedan. A i da jest, da je zbilja radišan, marljiv kao mrav, što bi s time na svome radnom mjestu koje ne pretpostavlja nikakav koristan angažman? Od zaposlenika se traži tek da zauzima prostor i povremeno potpiše neki suvišni dokument.
Budimo iskreni, nije se oženio zato što ga nijedna nije htjela. Ne samo zato što nije osobito privlačan. Ni toliki drugi muškarci nisu baš naočiti, pa su ipak uspjeli osvojiti kakvu-takvu ženu. Osim što je ružnjikav, on je i neugodne naravi. Galami, prostači, malo sluša, a puno govori, uglavnom ono što pristojni ljudi prešućuju, njegova uvijek mora biti zadnja, a ako nije, onda se uvrijedi i razbjesni. Što je najgore, sa sebi sličnima se i druži. Kad se oni okupe u mjesnoj gostionici i naruče prvu litru bijelog i bocu Jamnice, sve žene bježe vani kao da je oglašena zračna uzbuna. Nisu blesave slušati jadnike koji će sljedećih sat, dva, tri trubiti o tome kako su svi osim njih idioti, lupeži ili Srbi.
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A godine prolaze. Ničija nije gorjela do zore, poručuje stara poslovica čiji se smisao polako probija iz Ivanovog dupeta u Penavinu glavu. Zato je odlučio potražiti sreću uz ljubazno posredovanje ženidbenih oglasa. Svoj deprimirajući status i gorljivu želju da ga promijeni glasno ispovijeda nadajući se da će ipak uspjeti pronaći srodnu dušu. Suvišno je i napominjati, bez osobita uspjeha.
Dama za kojom godinama neutješno čezne – diskrecije radi, zaklonimo je inicijalima, neka se zove, recimo HDZ – uporno se nećka. Danas ti se čini da ju je već uspio zavesti, da je klonula pred njegovim čarima, a koliko sutra, hladno će ga otkantati. Onda ga cijeli tjedan ili dva uredno ignorira, da bi potom opet smekšala svoje tvrdo i varljivo srce, pa mu iznova ponudila signal kako joj nije mrzak.
Dotična dama – kako smo ono rekli da ćemo je nazvati, je li HDZ? – udavača je od one sorte koja u ženidbenim oglasima uvijek naglašava kako su avanturisti isključeni. A Penava joj se čini upravo takvim.
Radije u samostan...
Njemu svašta zna pasti na pamet, voli lupati koješta, pa se brukati pred svijetom, a ona drži do sebe. Nije da joj itko vjeruje kako je profinjena dama, ali si ona zadržava pravo tako o sebi misliti. Zato Penava kombinira s drugim mogućnostima koje mu stoje na raspolaganju. A nema ih puno. Po birtijama priča kako ni u snu ne bi htio nevjestu iz manjinske zajednice, iako stvari stoje malo drukčije. Ona mu zaista nije privlačna, ali bi je ipak ženio samo kad bi mu ponudila izdašan miraz.
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Zadnjih dana zagrijao se za djevojku porijeklom iz doline Neretve i koga god sretne, tupi mu kako su njih dvoje kao stvoreni jedno za drugo. S tolikom strašću on nabraja sličnosti među njima da se čovjek mora zapitati bi li njihova eventualna veza bila ustvari incestuozna kad su već toliko bliski. Ona mu, pak, rezolutno odgovara kako o tome ne može biti ni govora, da bi radije otišla u samostan, nego s njim pred oltar.
I tako se stari momak neutješno pati. Na bijeloj tehnici i namještaju s obje eteže djedovine koju je dozidao, hvata se prašina. I slijepcu je jasno kako tu fali ženska ruka, iz dana u dan sve više i više. No ma koliko se Penava trudio, ne ide mu pa ne ide. Teško da bi ga mogao usrećiti čak i slavni ženidbeni posrednik Nedjeljko Babić, popularni Gangster. Preostali su mu tek litra bijelog, boca Jamnice i nekoliko jadnika koji su još uvijek voljni slušati njegovo mudrovanje.
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title=Ivica Ivanišević: Kako je Penava potražio ljubavnu sreću putem ženidbenih oglasa, što se dogodilo, je li mu uspjelo?
page_title=Ivica Ivanišević: Kako je Penava potražio ljubavnu sreću putem ženidbenih oglasa, što se dogodilo, je li mu uspjelo?
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HDZ ga neće, Most ga neće, jadan ti sam, kud ću, sam sam di sam
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Malo je ljudi koji bi poslušali što Ivan Penava ima za reći
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Politički gledano, Ivan Penava sliči ostarjelom momku iz ženidbenog oglasa. Dospio je do srednjih godina, ali se ne bi smio požaliti. Na djedovini je dozidao dva kata, jednoga za sebe i suprugu, a drugoga za djecu. Ima lagan, odlično plaćen posao koji, doduše, jest mandatni, ali ima on, hvala bogu, i poneku vezu, pa se ne mora plašiti za svoju budućnost.
Stan, ustvari dva, kompletno je opremio. Na svakoj etaži sve ima: obje perilice, plinski štednjak, veliki frižider, k tome i škrinju, jedan golemi i jedan samo malo manji televizor, fritezu, blender, sokovnik, mikrovalnu pećnicu, štapni mikser, beštek za osam osoba, čaše od kristala iz Rogaške slatine, kuhinju sa svim elementima i otokom u sredini prostorije, zidne ormare puno krevetnine, ganc novi namještaj...
Konačno – ili prije svega – pred kućom mu stoji parkiran crni SUV prostran kao garsonijera. Sve, dakle, ima, ali sve mu je zaludu, jer mu fali ključna pretpostavka lijepog obiteljskog života. Naime, obitelj, a prije svega nevjesta.
Kad stigne runda
Kad ga tko upita zašto se dosad nije oženio, on odgovara kao i svi samci ovoga svijeta. Da nije stigao, jer je puno radio. Što je, barem u njegovom slučaju, gola laž, jer svaki njegov mještanin zna da on nije bogzna kako vrijedan. A i da jest, da je zbilja radišan, marljiv kao mrav, što bi s time na svome radnom mjestu koje ne pretpostavlja nikakav koristan angažman? Od zaposlenika se traži tek da zauzima prostor i povremeno potpiše neki suvišni dokument.
Budimo iskreni, nije se oženio zato što ga nijedna nije htjela. Ne samo zato što nije osobito privlačan. Ni toliki drugi muškarci nisu baš naočiti, pa su ipak uspjeli osvojiti kakvu-takvu ženu. Osim što je ružnjikav, on je i neugodne naravi. Galami, prostači, malo sluša, a puno govori, uglavnom ono što pristojni ljudi prešućuju, njegova uvijek mora biti zadnja, a ako nije, onda se uvrijedi i razbjesni. Što je najgore, sa sebi sličnima se i druži. Kad se oni okupe u mjesnoj gostionici i naruče prvu litru bijelog i bocu Jamnice, sve žene bježe vani kao da je oglašena zračna uzbuna. Nisu blesave slušati jadnike koji će sljedećih sat, dva, tri trubiti o tome kako su svi osim njih idioti, lupeži ili Srbi.
---
---
A godine prolaze. Ničija nije gorjela do zore, poručuje stara poslovica čiji se smisao polako probija iz Ivanovog dupeta u Penavinu glavu. Zato je odlučio potražiti sreću uz ljubazno posredovanje ženidbenih oglasa. Svoj deprimirajući status i gorljivu želju da ga promijeni glasno ispovijeda nadajući se da će ipak uspjeti pronaći srodnu dušu. Suvišno je i napominjati, bez osobita uspjeha.
Dama za kojom godinama neutješno čezne – diskrecije radi, zaklonimo je inicijalima, neka se zove, recimo HDZ – uporno se nećka. Danas ti se čini da ju je već uspio zavesti, da je klonula pred njegovim čarima, a koliko sutra, hladno će ga otkantati. Onda ga cijeli tjedan ili dva uredno ignorira, da bi potom opet smekšala svoje tvrdo i varljivo srce, pa mu iznova ponudila signal kako joj nije mrzak.
Dotična dama – kako smo ono rekli da ćemo je nazvati, je li HDZ? – udavača je od one sorte koja u ženidbenim oglasima uvijek naglašava kako su avanturisti isključeni. A Penava joj se čini upravo takvim.
Radije u samostan...
Njemu svašta zna pasti na pamet, voli lupati koješta, pa se brukati pred svijetom, a ona drži do sebe. Nije da joj itko vjeruje kako je profinjena dama, ali si ona zadržava pravo tako o sebi misliti. Zato Penava kombinira s drugim mogućnostima koje mu stoje na raspolaganju. A nema ih puno. Po birtijama priča kako ni u snu ne bi htio nevjestu iz manjinske zajednice, iako stvari stoje malo drukčije. Ona mu zaista nije privlačna, ali bi je ipak ženio samo kad bi mu ponudila izdašan miraz.
---
---
Zadnjih dana zagrijao se za djevojku porijeklom iz doline Neretve i koga god sretne, tupi mu kako su njih dvoje kao stvoreni jedno za drugo. S tolikom strašću on nabraja sličnosti među njima da se čovjek mora zapitati bi li njihova eventualna veza bila ustvari incestuozna kad su već toliko bliski. Ona mu, pak, rezolutno odgovara kako o tome ne može biti ni govora, da bi radije otišla u samostan, nego s njim pred oltar.
I tako se stari momak neutješno pati. Na bijeloj tehnici i namještaju s obje eteže djedovine koju je dozidao, hvata se prašina. I slijepcu je jasno kako tu fali ženska ruka, iz dana u dan sve više i više. No ma koliko se Penava trudio, ne ide mu pa ne ide. Teško da bi ga mogao usrećiti čak i slavni ženidbeni posrednik Nedjeljko Babić, popularni Gangster. Preostali su mu tek litra bijelog, boca Jamnice i nekoliko jadnika koji su još uvijek voljni slušati njegovo mudrovanje.
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[value] => 0
[type] => textfield
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 33
[alias] => required_views
)
[32] => stdClass Object
(
[id] => 96
[name] => FullHD image
[value] => OFF
[type] => radio
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 34
[alias] => fullhd_image
)
[33] => stdClass Object
(
[id] => 97
[name] => City Select
[value] => (0)
[type] => select
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 35
[alias] => CitySelect
)
[34] => stdClass Object
(
[id] => 98
[name] => Paid Article
[value] => OFF
[type] => radio
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 36
[alias] => paid_article
)
[35] => stdClass Object
(
[id] => 99
[name] => SD na licu mjesta
[value] => OFF
[type] => radio
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 37
[alias] => SD_na_licu_mjesta
)
[36] => stdClass Object
(
[id] => 100
[name] => Important article
[value] => OFF
[type] => radio
[group] => 9
[published] => 1
[ordering] => 38
[alias] => Important_article
)
)
11. svibanj 2024 17:44
