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[title] => Djevojka potražila savjet: ‘Moj dečko je saznao s koliko sam muškaraca spavala. Brojka mu se nimalo ne sviđa‘; U toj priči postoji par potencijalnih problema
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- Moj dečko ne može prijeći preko činjenice s koliko sam ljudi spavala. Nisam mu trebala reći tu informaciju, ali navaljivao je. On je bio "štreber" većinu srednje škole i fakulteta i počeo se mijenjati tek u srednjim čak i kasnim 20-ima. Ja sam pak stalno izlazila i iza sebe imam dosta veza. Iako ne mislim da je moj broj posebno "lud", on se ne može nositi s neskladom. Skupa smo dvije godine u ozbiljnoj vezi. Ne želim prekinuti. Kako mogu riješiti ovaj problem?, upitala je jedna djevojka stručnjakinju za ljubavne odnose, a njezin upit podijelio je i portal Zadovoljna.hr.
Stručnjakinja joj je odgovorila kako možda i nije trebala taj podatak podijeliti s partnerom, ali je rekla i da se to dogodi velikom broju ljudi pa se ne treba osjećati loše.
- Ako nekome vjerujete, prirodno je da želite razgovarati o lekcijama koje ste naučili u prošlim vezama i seksualnim iskustvima. Ipak, brojevi nisu potrebni u takvim razgovorima i najčešće će samo dovesti do toga da se jedna osoba osjeća loše, objasnila je.
Kako kaže, ne vjeruje da je problem u tome tko je spavao s više ljudi nego se odnosi na to da se partner ove djevojke ne osjeća ugodno po pitanju prošlosti. Oboje bi trebali vidjeti zadovolja li taj odnos sve njihove potrebe.
Jednom kada se brojka izgovori, povratka nema, a u ovoj situaciji, smatra stručnjakinja, ne radi se zapravo o tome tko je spavao s više ljudi, nego o tome koliko se partner ove djevojke osjeća ugodno po pitanju prošlosti. Radi se, dodala je, i o tome da oboje moraju ustanoviti zadovoljava li odnos koji imaju njihove potrebe. Postoji nekoliko potencijalnih problema.
POTENCIJALNI PROBLEM BROJ 1: Osjećali vaš partner da je nešto propustio?
Je li vaše priznanje možda pokrenulo skrivenu želju vašeg partnera da ostane u igri? Ili se boji da nije "skupio" dovoljno iskustva prije nego se skrasio? Ako će se vaš odnos pretvoriti u dugoročno partnerstvo, bitno je da obje strane raščiste svoje sumnje.
Ako sumnjate da vaš partner sve više razmišlja o činjenici da nije dovoljno živio u ovom smislu, morate ga otvoreno pitati osjeća li potrebu da još istražuje, izlazi na spojeve... Moguće je naime da će za nekoliko godina početi osjećati da je nešto propustio što će stvoriti probleme u vašoj vezi. Bitno je da on dobro razmisli i odluči je li spreman odbaciti nešto dobro jer misli da ga čeka nešto bolje ili je spreman odustati od drugih mogućnosti siguran da je u vama našao sve što je tražio. Možda vam se njegova konačna odluka neće svidjeti, ali važno je doći do konačnog i točnog odgovora.
POTENCIJALNI PROBLEM BROJ 2: Misli li vaš dečko da ste spavali s previše muškaraca?
Broj seksualnih partnera nije nešto što vas definira, a na racionalnoj razini to dobro zna i vaše partner. Ako mu to ipak nije jasno onda postoji problem. Sukob među vama mogao bi se svesti na razlike u vrijednostima i pretvoriti u veliki problem, a lako je moguće da zapravo postoji i neki veći problem od ovoga.
Osim toga, muškarce se uči da budu seksualno sigurni i iskusni, a činjenica da je žena imala više sekuslanih partnera mnoge posrami. Naravno, to nije racionalno, ali...
Stručnjakinja je za kraj dodala kako je važno s partnerom prokomentirati i ideju da on misli da vas broj seksualnih partnera na bilo koji način definira.
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[cleanTitle] => Djevojka potražila savjet: ‘Moj dečko je saznao s koliko sam muškaraca spavala. Brojka mu se nimalo ne sviđa‘; U toj priči postoji par potencijalnih problema
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- Moj dečko ne može prijeći preko činjenice s koliko sam ljudi spavala. Nisam mu trebala reći tu informaciju, ali navaljivao je. On je bio "štreber" većinu srednje škole i fakulteta i počeo se mijenjati tek u srednjim čak i kasnim 20-ima. Ja sam pak stalno izlazila i iza sebe imam dosta veza. Iako ne mislim da je moj broj posebno "lud", on se ne može nositi s neskladom. Skupa smo dvije godine u ozbiljnoj vezi. Ne želim prekinuti. Kako mogu riješiti ovaj problem?, upitala je jedna djevojka stručnjakinju za ljubavne odnose, a njezin upit podijelio je i portal Zadovoljna.hr.
Stručnjakinja joj je odgovorila kako možda i nije trebala taj podatak podijeliti s partnerom, ali je rekla i da se to dogodi velikom broju ljudi pa se ne treba osjećati loše.
- Ako nekome vjerujete, prirodno je da želite razgovarati o lekcijama koje ste naučili u prošlim vezama i seksualnim iskustvima. Ipak, brojevi nisu potrebni u takvim razgovorima i najčešće će samo dovesti do toga da se jedna osoba osjeća loše, objasnila je.
Kako kaže, ne vjeruje da je problem u tome tko je spavao s više ljudi nego se odnosi na to da se partner ove djevojke ne osjeća ugodno po pitanju prošlosti. Oboje bi trebali vidjeti zadovolja li taj odnos sve njihove potrebe.
Jednom kada se brojka izgovori, povratka nema, a u ovoj situaciji, smatra stručnjakinja, ne radi se zapravo o tome tko je spavao s više ljudi, nego o tome koliko se partner ove djevojke osjeća ugodno po pitanju prošlosti. Radi se, dodala je, i o tome da oboje moraju ustanoviti zadovoljava li odnos koji imaju njihove potrebe. Postoji nekoliko potencijalnih problema.
POTENCIJALNI PROBLEM BROJ 1: Osjećali vaš partner da je nešto propustio?
Je li vaše priznanje možda pokrenulo skrivenu želju vašeg partnera da ostane u igri? Ili se boji da nije "skupio" dovoljno iskustva prije nego se skrasio? Ako će se vaš odnos pretvoriti u dugoročno partnerstvo, bitno je da obje strane raščiste svoje sumnje.
Ako sumnjate da vaš partner sve više razmišlja o činjenici da nije dovoljno živio u ovom smislu, morate ga otvoreno pitati osjeća li potrebu da još istražuje, izlazi na spojeve... Moguće je naime da će za nekoliko godina početi osjećati da je nešto propustio što će stvoriti probleme u vašoj vezi. Bitno je da on dobro razmisli i odluči je li spreman odbaciti nešto dobro jer misli da ga čeka nešto bolje ili je spreman odustati od drugih mogućnosti siguran da je u vama našao sve što je tražio. Možda vam se njegova konačna odluka neće svidjeti, ali važno je doći do konačnog i točnog odgovora.
POTENCIJALNI PROBLEM BROJ 2: Misli li vaš dečko da ste spavali s previše muškaraca?
Broj seksualnih partnera nije nešto što vas definira, a na racionalnoj razini to dobro zna i vaše partner. Ako mu to ipak nije jasno onda postoji problem. Sukob među vama mogao bi se svesti na razlike u vrijednostima i pretvoriti u veliki problem, a lako je moguće da zapravo postoji i neki veći problem od ovoga.
Osim toga, muškarce se uči da budu seksualno sigurni i iskusni, a činjenica da je žena imala više sekuslanih partnera mnoge posrami. Naravno, to nije racionalno, ali...
Stručnjakinja je za kraj dodala kako je važno s partnerom prokomentirati i ideju da on misli da vas broj seksualnih partnera na bilo koji način definira.
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21. svibanj 2024 04:22
